Discussing a book you love, with someone who loves the same book is one of the greatest joys in the world
Statutory Warning – If you have never enjoyed a book deeply, you will never appreciate this post.
However, if you read on and understand the kind of special joy in can create, it might just motivate you to read more and find a book which you love. The kind we re-read and quote from all the time. And a person to share it with.
That if there is a book which you truly love. Then discussing it with another person who feels about that book in the same way is one of the most amazing and joyful experiences that a human being can expereince. It’s very similar to the expereince of FLOW.
FLOW is described as – In positive psychology , a flow state, also known colloquially as being in the zone, is the mental state in which a person performing some activity is fully immersed in a feeling of energized focus, full involvement, and enjoyment in the process of the activity. In essence, flow is characterized by the complete absorption in what one does, and a resulting transformation in one’s sense of time.
When I say a book which you love, then I mean a book which has truly influenced you and changed the way you think and see the world around you. A book you often re-read and quote from.
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I have an explanation for why this happens.
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The writer Will Schwalbe has a great quote which partially explains my claim.
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He says
I used to say that the greatest gift you could ever give anyone is a book. But I don’t say that anymore because I no longer think it’s true. I now say that a book is the second greatest gift. I’ve come to believe that the greatest gift you can give people is to take the time to talk with them about a book you’ve shared. A book is a great gift; the gift of your interest and attention is even greater.”
I have gone through this journey myself. Most people wonder why I give away so many books. They don’t realise that I am the one benefiting from it.
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Over a period of time, as I spoke to people about the books I had given them, I started to see for myself – why taking the time to talk about a book you have gifted is an even greater gift.
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Then I discovered that even this is the second best thing. The best thing is talking to someone who also loves that book.
This is the greatest gift they give each other.
There is saying that men bond over shared interests and women bond over emotions. I have been reminded by many women that it is a cliche and I agree. Whatever be the gender distribution, we do agree that human beings either bond over shared interests or emotions.
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When two people who love the same book, talk about it, then their bonding combines BOTH these things – shared interests and emotions. And that is why this expereince is so special. There are very few expereince where this happens.
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When you read a book thoroughly ( the kind where you pause and think and don’t just speed read it to increase your book reading goal) and end up loving a book so much that you keep re-visiting it, you clearly have an interest in the subject matter. It also means that it has influenced you at a deep emotional level. If you keep quoting from it and talking about it, it clearly means it’d deeply rooted in your consciousness.
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It also means that you have your own interpretations about it. It also means that you have lots of new questions on your mind. You have a new insight which you want to share with someone who will appreciate it. Good books and deep reading generally do that. You are itching to have a conversation with the author about it. So that you can explore answers and reconcile your new understanding of things with your past knowledge. I have actually written mails and sent tweets to the authors for these reasons. Some people respond but its still not a discussion. So you have a serious unmet need.
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This is where other people who love the same book come in. They address this itch which you have. Having that conversation further improves your understanding of the book. Finally, sharing that insight and interpretation with someone who appreciates it is deeply fulfilling. Sometimes, you and the other person. might disagree. But even that helps you see things which you didn’t notice earlier and makes you appreciate the book even more.
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And that it why you expereince FLOW and you bond deeply over a shared interest and emotion.
Does this only happen for books ?
I think it happens for other things also. Anything that one is deeply passionate about and has made a lasting impression on your thinking.
Sometimes if you meet in person, then you also get great pleasure in showing off your dog eared copy with highlights and notes.
This is why I share and talk about books all the time. To find others who also love the same book. And trust me, I found complete strangers and had great conversations.
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Are there books for which I haven’t found a book lover yet.
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Yes. Lots.
